Trapped in my own head
so many dreams & aspirations
an entire different life – altered realty
As I drudge through the mundane
my head fills with adventures
Continue reading Lost Dreams
I have heard far too many people lately dismiss other people’s truths. It seems like it is so difficult for some people to fathom that other people have a COMPLETELY different reality than they do, that they experience things that we wish weren’t true. But denying them, denying other people’s truths – will not make things better, it will not make things go away. It might make YOU feel better, to live in your bubble – but it will not make their experience any less true.
PLEASE read this article, please have converstations with people who don’t look like you, LISTEN to other people’s truths, being in denial helps nobody:
Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. I have been racking my brain about this whole My Life in Parts thing. A concept that is cool, therapeutic even, but that when I REALLY think about it kind of freaks me out! Do I REALLY want everyone on my Facebook page to be able to go to my blog and read all of my deepest darkest secrets, all of the traumatic events that have occurred in my life? Do I want potential employers, coworkers, professional contacts to read about every horrible decision I ever made or every bad thing that ever occurred in my life? Not so much. So, sorry to disappoint, I am continuing to write my life story but I will likely either be posting it with limited access (only those who I say can see it can see it), or posting it on a new blog that I keep 100% anonymous! I haven’t decided yet.
On another topic, I have been trying so hard to keep myself busy lately so that I don’t have to think about my life – which is probably part of why I haven’t been blogging as well. Sometimes, I just don’t want to THINK or FEEL, sometimes I just want to go about my daily business. I know, that doesn’t help my personal growth and all of that jazz, but really, do I HAVE to grow every day?! Yet, this morning, a conversation about men who don’t pay child support turned into a discussion that jolted me into thinking again and admitting some things about myself; I am not single because there are no good men out there. I am single in part because I am still hurt. I still don’t trust. And have built walls up around me that are sky-high! I probably have met decent guys, but I have instantly found flaws in them. If I only like guys who I know I can’t have a relationship with or find something wrong with every other guy I meet, then I can’t get hurt again. I know my own truths. I know that I love soooo deeply and completely and give SO much of myself when I am with someone, I know the idea of EVER doing that again is TERRIFYING. Its terrifying in part because I don’t trust my own instincts anymore. “what if I open myself up again, become vulnerable again, give all of myself again – for someone who doesn’t reciprocate, again?!” I also know that I want to love and be loved again someday, I WANT to have a partner and share life’s experiences with someone. What I don’t know is how to get over that fear and open myself up enough to allow it to happen?!
Trepidation on Being a Mother
I grasp two precious hands in mine
two sets of sapphire eyes stare up at me,
placing me upon a pedestal.
One lil angel giggles mischievously
and rolls her eyes – oh so dramatic!!!
The other face, scattered with freckles,
looks up – so tender, curious, even sapient.
I feel immensely blessed,
yet my heart sinks within my chest –
God entrusted 2 individuals’ souls to my care.
If I falter or waver in my duty,
how will they fair?
If the world crumbles around them
will I have enabled them with the skills to push through?
When tragedy or heartbreak strikes,
will they have fortitude, knowing just what to do?
The News reels roll –
stories of war, carnage, man’s inhumanity
unfold before our gaping eyes.
Questions are asked about senseless acts,
and so biographies of evil men are told.
And I wonder –
how much do I shelter them? How long?
How do I prepare two innocents
for an unpredictable world they’re bound to enter?