So, things didn’t go the way I envisioned when I was a child. I didn’t fall madly, head-over-heels in love with some amazing guy, get married, have 3-4 kids and live happily-ever-after! Instead, I had kids too young with the wrong person and am now doing the best job I can as a single mom without a loving and supportive husband. BUT – I still have that desire, that yearning, to find a partner, to share my life with someone.
When I left my ex-husband April 17, 2002 – I knew I wouldn’t date again right away. I was 3 months pregnant with our second child for starters. Secondly, it took almost a year until we were legally divorced, and I just didn’t believe in dating while I was married – whether we were “together” or not. Even then, I didn’t jump right into dating. I was going to school, working towards a degree, trying to make a better life for myself and my kids, become self-sufficient enough to support us. Once I graduated college, moved to the city and got a job – then I started dating and naively thought it wouldn’t be long before I’d find someone to partner up with, that would be a great step-dad and that I would fall deeply in love with. Continue reading Dating with Children – It’s Complicated
I shared some of these thoughts with a friend earlier and thought I would turn it into a blog post. I am afraid that I may have allowed myself to become TOO defined by motherhood. I am reading this book on my Kindle: The Rules to Raise Happy, Healthy Children and realized I’m kind of breaking Rule 10 which pretty much says to make sure you keep nurturing the things that make you a person/have nothing to do with parenting. This is good for the kids because the pressure to perform can become overwhelming if they realize that your personal success is entirely dependent on how they turn out! The book gives examples such as having a career your passionate about (not AT ALL), taking a vacation once a year without your kids (I have NEVER been on a kidless vacation), or doing some other hobby regularly. It says “otherwise, when the kids finally leave home after 18 years, you won’t know what to do with yourself.” That last part is SO TRUE!!! My kids have been going away to camp every summer for the past 3 years for 2 weeks at a time, and I don’t know what to do with myself while they’re gone! This last year I actually got pretty depressed while they were away and found myself just wanting to sleep, like if I just slept the time they were gone would go by more quickly?!?! Sure, I am involved a little bit with politics, but even that has dwindled lately as I find myself feeling more and more guilty every time I go do something without them now that they are no longer spending weekends with their dad. When they were it was a little bit easier, I had a life and let my hair down pretty much every-other weekend while they were away.
I think the problem has multiple things feeding into it.
#1 Mother’s Guilt; Continue reading I’m a Mom and a…????