Our Unlikely Friendship

We come from two different worlds, you and I
Yet I am so at ease with you
I can share everything with you,
bare all of my deepest thoughts, all my crazy
I don’t hesitate, don’t censor my words,
don’t question “what will he think of me?”
You are my sounding board, my confidant, my advisor,
my friend, the person I want to turn to when I’m sad, confused,
or just want to share a silly or random thought.
You know my fears, my hopes and dreams,
I’ve told you all about my kids, family, friends and their drama
You know I’m messy, insecure at times, inpatient,
you know my struggles, my weaknesses.
Yet, you’ve never met any of the important people in my life,
nor I yours,
You barely let me in, often turn it back to me if I push
We’ve talked about experiences and adventures, but not shared any
I know if I saw you some of that easiness would slip away,
I’d get those nervous, giddy, butterflies in my stomach feelings
I’d want to stop you in the middle of talking to kiss those perfect lips,
I’d melt to the sound of your voice, find everything you’d say mesmerizing,
want to lie down while we talk so I could be held in your strong arms,
touch your smooth skin, take in and absorb all of you
I’d study all your movements, inventory your well decorated house
I’d be in a constant state of arousal from being in such close proximity to you,
yet long for that emotional closeness that would only come if I could penetrate your walls.
But, we have not seen each other in what seems an eternity,
always say we intend to yet it never comes to fruition
Right now you are oddly one of my closest friends,
maybe because we don’t see each other, don’t allow the sexual tension to seep in
that would inevitability be there face-to-face???

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I’m a Mom and a…????

I shared some of these thoughts with a friend earlier and thought I would turn it into a blog post.  I am afraid that I may have allowed myself to become TOO defined by motherhood.  I am reading this book on my Kindle: The Rules to Raise Happy, Healthy Children and realized I’m kind of breaking Rule 10 which pretty much says to make sure you keep nurturing the things that make you a person/have nothing to do with parenting. This is good for the kids because the pressure to perform can become overwhelming  if they realize that your personal success is entirely dependent on how they turn out! The book gives examples such as having a career your passionate about (not AT ALL), taking a vacation once a year without your kids (I have NEVER been on a kidless vacation), or doing some other hobby regularly.  It says “otherwise, when the kids finally leave home after 18 years, you won’t know what to do with yourself.”  That last part is SO TRUE!!! My kids have been going away to camp every summer for the past 3 years for 2 weeks at a time, and I don’t know what to do with myself while they’re gone! This  last year I actually got pretty depressed while they were away and found myself just wanting to sleep, like if I just slept the time they were gone would go by more quickly?!?!  Sure, I am involved a little bit with politics, but even that has dwindled lately as I find myself feeling more and more guilty every time I go do something without them now that they are no longer spending weekends with their dad. When they were it was a little bit easier, I had a life and let my hair down pretty much every-other weekend while they were away.

I think the problem has multiple things feeding into it.

  #1 Mother’s Guilt; Continue reading I’m a Mom and a…????

Do Daughters HAVE to have daddies to grow up well???

A few things that I’ve read lately about how dads influence their daughters has scared the crap out of me and I hope that they are NOT true!!!  Any advice on anything else I can do to ensure they do NOT become true would be greatly appreciated! The idea that my daughters will think less of themselves or will date losers/men who treat them like they’re unimportant because of their dad terrifies me!!! Continue reading Do Daughters HAVE to have daddies to grow up well???

Most Days….

One of my more melancholy poems:

Most days my children bring so much sunshine into my life I’m tempted to put on sunglasses.
Most days I have so many things going on I’m a constant stream of motion.
Most days the love of my friends has me floating on a cloud and I’m overcome with gratitude.

Some days, seemingly out of nowhere, this immense loneliness strikes.
Some days the sadness is brief, and like a passing shadow vanishes quickly.
Some days it lingers, and I cannot shake it, as it begins to consume my thoughts. Continue reading Most Days….

The musings of a 30-something, urban, single mother

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