I miss having a go-to person, a sounding board,
a confidant, someone to share my day with;
the big things and the minutiae.
I miss having someone who cares to hear it all,
who responds with advice or just a word of encouragement
who reciprocates and shares their day with me;
their hopes, their dreams, their struggles and frustrations.
I miss saying I love you, hearing I love you
snuggling up next to someone and feeling their warmth
feeling their heart beat;
feeling so completely comfortable in another’s presence.
I miss talking. Just talking about anything and everything
life, politics, future trips, raising kids, music, race,
good reads, life fears, the magic stuff, the scary stuff, the sweet stuff;
I miss having good conversation on a regular basis.
“Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely”
But I am.
My heart has crystalized
it has been so broken, so fractured, so irreparably harmed
it has been fused back together with ice and cement,
Continue reading I WANT to Love Fully Again….
It’s foolish to mourn for things that never were
to place a hand on your belly, and grieve your empty womb
its silly to shed tears over children who never existed
to tear up over imaginary names.
I have a house in my head
its on land I’ve never stood on,
under sunsets I’ve never watched
and stars I’ve never gazed at.
In this place is a husband who loves me,
cherishes me, priorities me
we dance at night in the rain
and snuggle up under blankets in front of the fire.
And as the new moon rises
reminding me again of my empty womb,
unlovable heart, and phantom life
its foolish to cry over things that don’t exist.
As I’m preparing for the “next chapter” of my life and also trying to come to a place of inner peace with where I’m at versus where I wanted to be at by this point in my life, I am taking inventory of some of my biggest regrets in life so far. Hopefully taking stock of these regrets, as sad as it is to know that I cannot undo the things that have led me here, will remind me to live a more authentic life in the future. Continue reading Life’s Regrets, So Far