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Widowed

I used to think it was crazy that my grandmother never remarried,

She spent the good part of 20 years alone, faithful to my grandfather even in death

Never fell in love again, never, that I know of, gave herself to another

Yet here I am, 39 years old, not a widow in the true sense, but without my one true love just the same

And I cannot envision giving myself to another, saying “I love you” to anyone but you

I’ve lost you, not to death, but to life, to your need to “do the right thing” to circumstances beyond my control

I’m alone, aching for you, wishing for your touch, dying inside at the thought of you with another

Yet, I’m still loyal, still feel guilt over kissing another, still have my guard up, still won’t let anyone else in.

Will I be like her, will I be single and without love until my dying day?

Widowed in my 30’s, crying tears over the death of us and all the could-have-been moments left unshared.

You are not dead, but the us I’ve always hoped for seems to be something that will never be fully resurrected, how do I grieve that?

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My Library

Not a poem, but fitting with my nerdish personality, I decided to catalog my books. Here are all of the books I currently own in hard copy.  Some are my kids’ books, some are old and crumbling, most of them are hardcover, I love the feel of them…the smell of them. There are few books I have gotten rid of other than my kids’ books from when they were little, and when I do I often regret doing so. There are a few I have borrowed and never gotten back.  The only ones currently not included here are cookbooks and e-books. My dream house would have bookshelves lining nearly every wall…for awhile I’ve been going more to the Library than buying books simply because I don’t have room for them. If I did, I fear I would spend all of my spare coin on them! And no, it is not a typo, I found that there were two books I have duplicate copies of – so likely will be putting those in my neighbor’s small library! Continue reading My Library

Maybe I’m Not in Love

Maybe I’m not in love, maybe I’m obsessed

When you’re in love, are you supposed to yearn this much?

Do you always become so preoccupied, dying for their touch?

Is love something that can really be this intense,

that you feel in every molecule of your flesh.

Does love make you literally feel your soul aglow?

Does it take you to the highest peaks?

and vanquish from memory the lowest lows?

Continue reading Maybe I’m Not in Love

An Open Letter To Donald Trump From Some Angry Women.

LOVE this!!!

Drifting Through

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Dear Mr. Trump… can I call you Mr. Trump? Is that ok? I want you to be happy, that’s very important to me.

Before I get started, let me say this letter isn’t from all women. The Trumpettes surely won’t approve of this message. But this is from most women.

We see right through you. We have all known you at some point. Your ways are not unfamiliar to us. We see through you because we’ve been dealing with you our whole lives.

We heard you call women pigs. And disgusting. And stupid. And bimbos.

We watched as you called a former Ms. Universe “Ms. Piggy” and then spent four days continuing to insult her.

We see your weakness. Your lust for attention at any cost, your need to denigrate women. We see all of it. And we’re mad.

Yes. We’re mad. And fired up. And here’s the thing about us……

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