Marriage and being liberal

Ok, this is a much less relevant topic to me now than it was just a few years ago. However, anyone who knows me knows that for much of my life my hopes and dreams centered around falling in love, getting married, building a partnership, and building a family. For years, as I struggled with wondering what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t bring that dream to fruition, well-intentioned friends and acquaintances would give me a piece of advice over and over again “you need to date more conservative men.” I would scoff at the suggestion, I’d already done that once and it was a miserable failure and, besides, I KNOW liberal married people! However, it seems that they may have been right that my only hopes of getting re-married would be to go down that route. We were playing around with Facebook analytics the other day in class and we compared those who are ultra conservative to those who are ultra liberal. It showed data such as men versus women, age, and married vs unmarried – they were complete opposites in the marriage category! The vast majority of conservatives are married, and a high percentage of liberals are not! Why?!

Well, numerous articles that I have read have discussed red states versus blue state as far as marriage and family stability. In blue states people tend to be more well-educated, get married later, and stay married. In red states there tends to be a split, where in the south people get married very young and then get divorced and then get remarried, and in the west they still get married younger than in blue states, but their divorce rate is much lower than in the south as their education and economics are better.

My take-away from this is that the straight men in my age group who are liberal are likely to be either eternal bachelors or already married and less likely to get divorced and if they do get divorced their attitude seems to be “Gave that whole marriage idea a shot once and it didn’t work so I’m never doing it again.” Whereas more conservative men have likely already been married and divorced and open to getting married again because they have this idea that marriage is important. This anecdotally seems to be true as the more conservative women I know seem to much more easily find men they are interested in who are willing to commit, whereas I find men who don’t ever want to commit or who already did once and therefore aren’t really looking to do it again.

I say this isn’t super relevant to me anymore because I’ve basically given up on my hopes and dreams that revolved around love and marriage – I wasted too many years waiting on another person in order to be happy. Afterall, if my ultimate idea of happiness involved being married and building a family with someone, I couldn’t exactly do that solo. It is a difficult dream to let go of, and my biggest struggle now is finding a dream to replace it with…that is still a work in progress.


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