Life’s Regrets, So Far

As I’m preparing for the “next chapter” of my life and also trying to come to a place of inner peace with where I’m at versus where I wanted to be at by this point in my life, I am taking inventory of some of my biggest regrets in life so far.  Hopefully taking stock of these regrets, as sad as it is to know that I cannot undo the things that have led me here, will remind me to live a more authentic life in the future.

  1. Believing when I was younger that because I was “smart” and “gifted” that would somehow manifest itself into having some sort of great life. We should encourage our kids to strive for greatness, instead of just constantly telling them they’re great!
  2. Giving away too much of my power to men – whether it be sexually or just in relationships in general. I’ve allowed myself to be a doormat for the past 25 years. I know that much of this stems from insecurities and early trauma – so I guess I regret that I didn’t get the support and therapy I needed early on to deal with that and to take back my power.
  3. Having children with someone whom I didn’t deliberately pick to do that with and who I didn’t see a forever with. I love my kids to death, don’t get me wrong, but I wish I would have had them with someone whom I was in love with, committed to, and when we had both decided “let’s start a family” instead of having it happen, trying to force ourselves into a family, and then ending up with kids who don’t get to grow up with parents who are together.
  4. Along those same lines, my daughters and I are extremely close but I have always regretted that I was never able to give them and me the complete package. They didn’t grow up with a man in the house, getting to see a healthy marriage/partnership, and outside of me they really only have each other. I really regret not having a larger family.  People say “it’s never too late to go after what you want” but for me, I think it is. I don’t foresee myself getting married and popping out 2-3 more kids between now and when it is biologically too late. If I had the financial means I could go get artificially inseminated – but that isn’t practical for me and I really don’t want to be a single mom all over again!!!
  5. Not planning ahead, financially. I have never been the most organized person or great with money, I’ve attempted on and off to save for college, retirement, to purchase a home – but then something comes up and the funds get depleted.  Because of my lack of planning and fiscal responsibility, I’ll be 40 and still live in an apartment and my kids will likely have to take out loans to cover costs of any higher education they seek.
  6. Spending years working only for money and not working doing something I actually enjoyed. As I am taking writing courses, hearing from freelance writers, etc. now, I am kicking myself for selling myself short and thinking that those types of careers were for someone else, that as a mom I had to “do something more practical.”

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