Unlovable or Unable to Love anymore…

 

Not the most poetic, more like rambling thoughts – but wanted to post because it has been on my mind lately.

“you’ll find love again when you least expect it”

“when you stop looking, that’s when you’ll find the one”

“you’re too lovable to not find love again”

words meant to encourage, but I find no truth in them,

Looking back at my love history, I question whether I’ve ever truly found love,

I’ve fallen in love with people who never fully loved me back –

never had a love reciprocated completely,

“I don’t want to hurt you so I’m going to let you go”

“it’s just bad timing”

“I’m just not ready for a relationship right now”

“I love you so much I’m going to let you go”

Some people find love, or at least companionship, so easily

they sneeze and fall into the arms of someone who wants them,

go on a few dates and are packing moving boxes

that has never been me, am I unlovable?

When I love, I love so completely and with everything I have,

it drains me, especially when it isn’t equally given back

and I never stop loving someone – I don’t have a “love off” switch.

I say I am fine being single for eternity –

but really, I don’t think I have a choice

I feel incapable of giving of myself so completely to anyone again,

especially when in the back of my mind I know it will likely end the same way. . . .

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