I just had another revelation! I have been on numerous dates since my last relationship ended 5 years ago, and I’ve analyzed myself, my dates, the dating pool, etc. trying to decipher a reason why I hadn’t met anyone who I wanted more with and who wanted more with me. Why there hadn’t been any sparks flying or, more accurately, why I haven’t met anyone I am compatible with or can see myself having a relationship with. A few things have also happened during this time. I have stopped believing in fairytales, I have set goals for my future that are no longer tied to another person, and – most importantly – I have fallen in love with myself. In my new world view I see intimate relationships in a different light, one without magic or divine intervention, but instead as a human experience that takes a lot of time and energy from both parties to create something that is loving, supportive and healthy.
My “aha moment” came in realizing that I really don’t WANT to expend that kind of emotional energy right now on anyone but myself! It is likely that some day I will again be open to being vulnerable, to giving of myself, to creating a trusting and loving partnership – but right now, a relationship isn’t going to fall into my lap with ease and without requiring something of me that I really don’t want to give. And, that is ok. I am, finally, 100% ok with being single, with expending the love and energy I have on myself and my family.