I’m in such a peculiar place,
I don’t know what I want anymore.
I always knew, always hungered,
always sought after
now – I don’t have a clue.
Putting one foot in front of the other
trying to soak in and enjoy daily joys
putting all of my efforts into my daughters,
not dwelling on my own future.
Yes, I still have lofty, far away goals,
but they’re all singular goals
they’re all things I want to do when I’m an empty nester
when I’m alone and free.
When did I equate the word alone with free?
When did my dreams become all about me
and not all about we, all about that other person
to complete the dreams with me?
They say you’ll find it when you stop searching
but what if you stop searching
because you no longer know what it is you want?
How do you find “it”
if you’re no longer sure “it” IS what you want
or what “it” is?