I’ve stopped searching because…

I’m in such a peculiar place,

I don’t know what I want anymore.

I always knew, always hungered,

always sought after

now – I don’t have a clue.


Putting one foot in front of the other

trying to soak in and enjoy daily joys

putting all of my efforts into my daughters,

not dwelling on my own future.


Yes, I still have lofty, far away goals,

but they’re all singular goals

they’re all things I want to do when I’m an empty nester

when I’m alone and free.


When did I equate the word alone with free?

When did my dreams become all about me

and not all about we, all about that other person

to complete the dreams with me?


They say you’ll find it when you stop searching

but what if you stop searching

because you no longer know what it is you want?

How do you find “it”

if you’re no longer sure “it” IS what you want

or what “it” is?


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