I realized why I don’t like being alone
why I still can’t cut that last thread that attaches me to him
why the eventuality of the kids moving out of the house
leaves me feeling so melancholy, so grim.
He is the only person in this entire world who knows me completely
who gets all of my flaws, has held me when I wasn’t strong
gets me down to my very core, everything that makes me tick,
could listen to me cry and tell from the tone of my tears what is wrong.
Hearing a lot of misperceptions lately from those I am around the most
they only see the black and white, the public persona, the mask of day-to-day
nobody else has peaked beneath the surface, held me at my lowest
nobody else knows my deepest hurts, my contradictions, my shades of grey.
If I let go of him who do I have left?
when I am so upset that I cannot breath, whose voice will calm me
who will know just what to say when I’m bereft
and can understand even when I cannot put my emotions into cohesive speech?
I always thought I was such an open book
my intention never to build up walls, to project a callous and heartless image
anyone could know me if they just took the briefest look
I guess it takes a lot more than that…and who else is worth the effort?