Falling In and Out of Love

I’ve never much cared for the term “falling in love.” It makes it sound too much like an accident, like something we have absolutely no control over. Like, “oops, I tripped and fell in love.” It even more so disturbs me to hear people say things like “you can’t help who you fall in love with” as if the cosmos, destiny or some other magical force has control over your emotions! This is especially bothersome when someone uses it as an excuse for falling in love with someone when they are already in a committed relationship with or married to someone else. You didn’t just walk into work, the gym, the bar, etc., trip, and fall in love with someone. Falling in love is a process and it starts with you being open to it. If you are truly committed to the person you are with, you choose every day to keep loving them regardless of their flaws, your disagreements, struggles or anything else. Unless you have stopped doing that, unless you have opened yourself up to someone else in a way you shouldn’t, you can’t stumble upon someone else and accidentally fall in love with them.

This is the same reason I despise the term falling out of love. For one, using the above analogy of tripping and falling, it is kind of hard to trip and fall up and out of someplace. But, more seriously, love isn’t some whimsical accident. It isn’t something we have no control over. Love is intentional. It is a choice. It takes effort, commitment, perseverance. If you ever truly loved someone, if you ever even knew what love was then you don’t just stop when things get hard. And, if you do, it’s because you chose to!

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