Your heart beats, my heart beats,
you breath, I breath,
synchronizing into one, hearts beating in rhythm,
breathing in and out in unison.
Your arms – the safest, most secure place in the universe
the scent, the feel, all worries melt away,
Not supposed to need another to feel complete
but I have never felt more whole,
more alive, more in tune, more certain
all feels right and good in the world,
every moment of heartache, doubt, struggle
ever experienced has led us to each other.
My best friend, my lover,
my “soul mate,” if I believed in such things,
our beginning had some crazy twists and turns
but we ferociously held on to one another.
Never been so vulnerable, never opened up so completely,
letting go felt so freeing, so right,
and you let go too, you let me in – really in
to a place nobody ever has before.
I still can’t pinpoint precisely where it all went wrong;
fears and anxieties arose,
letting someone that close, they push buttons,
bring up feelings we thought we left in childhood
feelings of abandonment, neglect,
thought we’d work through all these and come out stronger
we’d grow together, never letting go
but I let go, took my eyes off the prize momentarily
and that lapse had a ripple effect
Trust never rebuilt no matter how hard we tried
home became a place that didn’t feel quite as safe,
my arms, my hugs, my love
could never take away the day I said goodbye,
impatient to be your wife, needing you to say something
you couldn’t bring yourself to say.
That first goodbye only lasted a day,
but its effects lasted far longer than I could have envisioned.
Other ups and downs came, other mistakes made,
eventually I heard so many reassurances, kicked everyone else out of my head,
I got back to the place of deep, unending, unbreakable love
I got back to the place where I KNEW we’d be together forever
where no place in the world felt as safe as your arms,
where I felt our hearts beating together as one…
not sure how I could have been so wrong,
but I was – as soon as I rested safely in that forever love again
the floor fell out from beneath me.
I lost the rock I’d been leaning on,
my best friend, my confidant, the person who knew me inside and out,
who I knew I would say I Do to, grow old with, chase dreams with,
overcome loss, grief and hard times with
Just like that – we were no longer worth fighting for,
my happiness and security was an illusion,
our future that we had discussed, planned, dreamt of
never to come to fruition.
How do you ever completely get over the loss of the love of your life???? Or do you?