Vanishing Time

It feels like I just hugged and kissed you a few moments ago,
yet I haven’t seen you all year?
We JUST buried my dad, yet birds were chirping, flowers were blooming
and now that ground is frozen over and covered in snow?
I feel like this year happened without me a little bit,
babies were born, so many people got married,
I only know however because of Facebook.
I think I can count on one hand
how many times I’ve seen my best friend – who has nearly become a stranger to me.

8,760 hours this year, about 2,500 of them sleeping, about 2,000 of them working
Supposedly over 4,000 hours left for living, so many eaten up, wasted;
driving to work, watching nonsense on TV, running errands, cleaning the house,
arguing about cleaning the house, daydreaming, being sad.

192 hours or so on vacation over Spring Break – that was pretty amazing,
Wish I could count all the hours my kids made me laugh
and multiply it by 2 next year,
wish I could count all the hours I spent crying, sad, overthinking, having regrets,
feeling sorry for myself, wishing life were different – and get them back next year.
Wish I didn’t commute so my working hours really were only 2,000
wish my TV time were zero and my adventure time and vacation time were tripled.

I don’t want to waste time keeping track of time,
overanalyzing, wishing for what I do not have and may never have –
but I do want to use my time to have a better time,
to savor, to love, to appreciate, to laugh, to relax, to enjoy, to give, to nurture,
to expand, to open, to dance, to smile, to learn, to live – in the here and now.


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