Old Wounds

Amazing how we can be transported back to a time of hurt,
a hurt we thought we had erased from our consciousness,
a time when the last shards of innocence were taken,
and those who were supposed to protect you turned a blind eye,
turned your loss of innocence back on you, as proof you weren’t lovable to begin with.
Astonishing how one conversation can momentarily bring you back from the strong woman you’ve become,
to a damaged young girl feeling abandoned and neglected,
can open the floodgates that you didn’t allow anyone to see then,
and instead replaced with bravado, anger, acting like what they thought you were anyways.
Why do I let people who are supposed to love me hurt me still?
Why do I let 20 year old wounds get torn back open?
Why do people who claim to love me, still choose those who hurt me so???

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5 thoughts on “Old Wounds”

  1. You are not alone. When I was 16, I nearly killed myself – literally inches away – I was 25 before I mentally and emotionally pulled back from my destructive birth family. I was 30 when I physically walked away from them and severed all ties (except a partial tie to my younger sister).

    My mother, my father and both siblings (sisters) are damaged in their own way, but I couldn’t keep turning the other cheek and I couldn’t keep making excuses for them.

    It’s not your fault, no matter what you think. The biggest lesson I had to learn was that one. It’s not your fault.

    It takes time and it takes effort, but be kind to yourself (not harsh), and then you can make the decision to move on. Some people are just plain toxic. Some people you cannot help, no matter what you do. If they continuously hurt you, for your own sanity and safety, it’s better to cut all ties and go your own way.

    There is happiness out there for you, but you will not find it if you remain surrounded by negativity and negative people.

    Good wishes to you.

    Like

      1. Yep, I got that too (I still do, if I ever discuss it with anybody). Ignore it. Being related is no proof of love or even caring. I suspect some of those people can’t make the break themselves and tear you down for daring to want to be free.

        The other thing to remind yourself is: Being related is not a prison sentence. You have a right to be free, especially if they don’t treat you right.

        I was amazed at how often my family used manipulation to keep me right there while they put the knife in. I know they did it deliberately, too, AND enjoyed it (I caught them at that more than once).

        The point is, first, from a very young age, they convince you that you’re worthless so that YOU’RE the one surrendering all the time. Not only that, but you’ve learned to put everyone else above you. That gives you a guilty feeling if you EVER want to do something for yourself. It’s programmed in!

        Man, it took me years to recognize all this. I have no time now for people who tell me where I should be or what I should do. I can understand my family, forgiving them is harder, but I do in the broad sense (I know they have problems). I can also forget. What I won’t do is open myself up to more abuse from them.

        I’m a heck of a lot happier without them, and that is not a sin. Cheers! 🙂

        Like

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