I wrote this after my last major break-up when I was really thinking, what DO I want?!?!
What I Need in a Partner:
Honesty: Don’t expect me to guess what you’re thinking or feeling. If something is bothering you, come to me with it right away in a constructive way so we can handle it and I’ll try to do the same. Also, if you don’t have anything to hide, don’t act like it. Example, acting like your phone is the most prized possession in the house and guarding it with your life, making sure the keyboard is covered whenever you enter your FB password, or just in anyway acting sneaky. Also, I need someone who can be open and honest that he’s with me and that he’s happy he’s with me! If we’re monogamous there is NO EXCUSE why you should not say “In a Relationship” on any social networking pages, why we shouldn’t meet each other’s friends and family, etc.
Good with kids: I am a package deal. No, you won’t meet my kids on our first date, but they will eventually be a part of the equation. I need a partner who is ok with knowing that kids come first (mine and his if he has any). He needs to like kids, be willing to go to kid centered events sometimes, and realize once we go beyond dating we won’t just become a partnership/couple but a family and our lives will be focused around that. I can’t always just go out and do whatever I want whenever I want or take solo trips. This doesn’t mean our life will be boring or mundane, but it will involve at least 2 other people. I try to take at least one family trip per year (Savannah, GA, Badlands/Black Hills, Washington D.C., North Shore, Hawaii, Caribbean Cruise, Western National Parks). My partner needs to be able to have fun with kids, but also be a good role model, someone they can look up to. I want my kids to be able to look at us and be like “that’s what a healthy, loving couple looks like.” If he has kids he MUST take care of them, and not just financially!
Physical Affection: I need physical attention! Not just sex, though I do need that too. But hugging, holding hands, kissing, touching as we pass each other, a neck and shoulder massage, etc. I am a VERY physical person and will die with someone who doesn’t express themselves physically! I also don’t mind PDA, so I wouldn’t like someone who acts like they can’t kiss me if anyone else is around. I don’t want people yelling “Get a Room!” either, but we should definitely still be able to be affectionate in public.
Romance: I try to be romantic and thoughtful, If I see something little that reminds me of you I’ll get it, I send sweet texts, write love poems (assuming I am in love), try to find a gift you’ll really like at holidays, fill your stocking/Easter basket, buy mushy cards, slip little love notes into your bag/briefcase, bake, send flowers, go to a romantic restaurant, plan dates you’ll like, etc. I do these things because I like to, but it would be really nice to have it reciprocated sometimes. I would REALLY like a guy who put thought into gifts (thoughtful – not necessarily expensive – is the key), filled my stocking at Christmas time, put some thought into planning fun/interesting/romantic dates, did little things to surprise me, etc. I LOVE SURPRISES!
Financially Stable: I am NOT a gold digger, and am not nearly where I would like to be financially, but I need to be with someone who is at least on an even financial footing as I am or higher, only because I don’t want to ever go to the food shelf, get our electric cut off, etc and would like to be able to have a savings, not live paycheck to paycheck. Also, if they’re barely scraping by they’ll probably be more reluctant to actually DO THINGS! I plan on doing things to continue to raise my earning potential, not because I want a big house or fancy car, but because I want less stress, to be out of debt, to be able to travel and to put some money away for the kids’ college – I want a guy who is right there with me.
SPONTANEOUS! Ok, I have done some things that were a little impulsive and then looked back later and been like, dang, what was I thinking! But I would rather have a few of those, than to get to the end of this journey and look back with regret on all the things I never even tried! I want to dream BIG and to go after those dreams, and when I reach some of them, just dream up more. I want to DO THINGS, I want a partner to enjoy this adventure WITH. I know it can’t be all fun and games all the time, but I also don’t think it should be boring, mundane, routine, predictable, always planned out, etc. either! I need someone who is willing to take some risks with me. Who is willing to “jump feet first” into life with me. Part of this is I also don’t want to wait for 5+ years to move in with/marry someone, when it feels right it feels right and we should just do it and move onto that next stage. Nothing will ever be perfect, timing won’t ever be “just right”, and sometimes you can put things off for SO long that you NEVER get them.
Love/Passion/Commitment: Obviously I want a partner who loves me, I want there to be an initial passion. Yes, I know life sneaks up on you and it can’t be filled with passion every moment of every day, but if its there to begin with it can be reignited. I need someone who isn’t going to quit or give up on us! Who isn’t going to make a bunch of excuses for why he can’t move forward. I NEED someone who can trust himself, trust me and trust in our love.
What I won’t put up with in a Partner! (all pretty obvious)
Abuse of any kind towards me or my kids
Addiction – if you have a problem get help or get out!
Adultery/cheating – it shows no respect for me or our relationship and there is no excuse!